Gurugram Act, 2016 (#Gurugram)

WHEREAS it was a long pending demand of the Bhakts to rename Gurgaon as Gurugram.
AND WHEREAS the new CM of Haryana often hitches a ride in time machine to Mahabharata era.
AND WHEREAS Dronacharya presented title deeds of Gurgaon @ Gurugram to Haryana CM during his last trip into history.
AND WHEREAS the Corporates were bewildered on encountering the new title deed of Gurgaon @ Gurugram.
AND WHEREAS the reconciliation has been reached to honor the new titles of the Corporates while retaining the old name of Gurugram.
Be it be enacted by the Guru Sangat in the fictional millennium year of Hindu Rashtra as follows:
1. This act may be called Gurugram Act, 2016, and shall apply to areas falling under the newly christened Gurugram.
2. Notwithstanding any thing written in the Constitution of India or any other law of India, this act shall have the overriding effect in Gurugram.
3. The cow shall be the national animal of Gurugram.
4. A man shall be qualified to be called a Bhakt in Gurugram if he produces reliable evidence of at least 5 hrs/day worship of Modi.
5. Each boy of impressionable age in Gurugram shall be lectured for at least 20 hrs/week on the benefits of Bhaktdom till he naturally falls in line or turns insane.
6. Any Bhakt dubbed losers by the Corporates or the Liberals in Gurugram shall have the right to be ordained into a saffron choga and declare himself sadhu, for which he shall get a handsome monthly emolument; 75% seats reserved for Brahmins.
7. If the population of Bhakts fall below 60% in Gurugram, all able adult men residing in Gurugram shall be compulsorily drafted into Bhaktdom.
8. All the Bhakts residing in Gurugram in addition to the qualifying condition for Bhaktdom shall spend at least 3 hrs/day in trolling non-Bhakts on FB, Twitter, Google Plus, etc; 3 hrs/day in reciting Vedas, Gita, Ramayana, Puranas, etc; 3 hrs/day in chanting “Bharat Mata Ki Jai”; 3 hrs/day in faking Yoga; 3hrs/day in oogling ladies; and no Bhakt shall sleep more than 3 hrs/day.
9. No Bhakt in Gurugram shall be allowed to date a girl unless he produces a reliable evidence of hurling abuses like Randi, Kutia, Haramzadi, etc, on at least ten girls.
10. No Bhakt residing in Gurugram shall let any female member of his family out without wearing a saffron face mask; so that no anti-national may oogle them.
11. No Bhakt shall have sex without wearing a saffron condom, which shall be available free at all Baba Ramdev Patanjali centers in Gurugram.
12. All dogs and non-Hindus shall be stoned in Gurugram till they cease to exist.
13. The continuous dedicated service to Bhaktdom for atleast 25 years or on display of extraordinary talent towards Bhaktdom shall qualify a person to be considered as a Guru in Gurugram.
14. No Judge shall pass any order against the will of the Gurus in Gurugram.
15. Notwithstanding any thing stated above, the Corporates shall have a right to live a sovereign life in Gurugram in accordance with their own whims and fancies.

About the Author

Ankur Mutreja
Ankur Mutreja is an advocate-cum-writer, and his blogs are amongst his modes of expression. He has also authored six books: "Kerala Hugged"; "Light: Philosophy"; "Flare: Opinions"; "Sparks: Satire and Reviews"; "Writings @ Ankur Mutreja"; and "Nine Poems"; which can be downloaded free from the links on the top menu.

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